You May Be Getting Old If...

• You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• You are proud of your lawn mower.
• Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws.
• Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
• You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
• You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• Neighbors borrow your tools.
• People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did i wake you?"
• The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
• You wear black socks with sandals.
• Your ears are hairier than your head.
• You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
• You go bowling without drinking.
• You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
• You feel like the night before and didn't even go out.
• A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge
• Dialing long distance tires you out.
• You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.
• Everything hurts, and when it doesn't, it doesn't work.
• Your little black book only contains names ending in MD.
• You get winded playing chess.
• You join a health club and don't go.
• You're still chasing women, but can't remember why.
• Your mind makes contracts your body can't fulfill.
• You know all the answers but no one asks the questions.
• You look forward to a dull evening.
• You turn out the light for economic, not romantic reasons.
• You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.
• Your knees buckle but your belt doesn't.
• You're 17 around the neck, 43 around the waist and 100 around the golf course.
• After painting the town red you have to take a nap before a 2nd coat.
• A lot of room in the house, but none in the medicine cabinet.
• You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
• You finally know your way around and don't feel like going.
• Everything is farther away than it used to be and it's twice as far to the corner than it used to be and they've added a hill.
• You give up running for the bus because it leaves much faster than it used to.
• Stairs are much steeper than they used to be and they're using smaller print in the papers.
• New clothes are getting smaller in the hips and waist.
• Everyone speaks so low you can't hear them.
• People are much younger than they were when you were their age, but people your age are older than your are.
• You meet an old friend who has aged so much she doesn't recognize you.