Animal Top Page
Signs Your Cat has a Personality Disorder
- Couldn't muster up sufficient disdain if all nine lives
depended on it!
- You've repeatedly found him in the closed garage, hunched
over the wheel of your running Buick.
- Sits for hours in fascination while listening to Bob Dole.
- Teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty bottles of
- No longer licks paws clean, but washes them at the sink
again and again and again...
- Continually scratches on the door to get in... the OVEN
- Doesn't get Garfield, but laughs like hell at Marmaduke.
- Rides in your car with its head out the window.
- She's a dues-paid, card-carrying member of the Reform
- You realize one day that the urine stains on the carpet
actually form the letters N-E-E-D T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.
- Has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber entirely out
of empty "9 Lives" cans.
- Spends all day in litterbox separating the green chlorophyll
granules from the plain white ones.
- After years of NPR, Tabby is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.
- Sullen and overweight, your sunglass-wearing cat shoots
the TV with a .45 Magnum when it sees cartoon depictions
of stupid or lazy felines.
- Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you find a pawn
ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.
- Makes an attempt on "First Cat" Sock's life in a pathetic
attempt to impress Jodie Foster.