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Letter from College
Dear Mom and Dad:
It has been four months since I left for college. I have been
remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I
will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please
sit down. Don't read any further unless you are sitting down ...
OK?
Good. I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture
and the concussion I got from jumping out of the window of my
dormitory when it caught fire, shortly after my arrival, are pretty
well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now
I can see almost normally and only get three headaches a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed
by an attendant at a nearby gas station, and he was able to call
the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the
hospital and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out
dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with
him. It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is
a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning
to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but I'm sure
it will be before I start to show.
Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking
forward to being grandparents, and I know you will give the baby
the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I
was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that
my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing
our premarital blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him.
This will soon clear up, thanks to my daily penicillin injections.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He
is kind, and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Also,
he is of a different race and religion than ours, but I know,
after all your years of teaching me tolerance, that you won't
mind the fact that he is somewhat darker than we are. I am sure
you will love him as I do.
His family background is good, too; I am told that his father
is an important gunbearer in his native African village.
I guess that's it. Now that I have brought you up to date, I
want you to know ... There was no dormitory fire, I did not have
a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am
not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphilis and there
is no man of another race in my life.
However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science,
and I wanted you to see these marks in their proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
Chelsea
P.S. Stanford is great...I love it, though I miss you both terribly...and
Socks, too!
P.P.S Dad, please give my best to Monica & the others.
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