Things You Shouldn't Do or Say on Your Valentine's Dinner Date

• Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.
• "No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin."
• Stand up every five minutes, circle the table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
• "Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?"
• Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themself.
• "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."
• When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
• "I used to come here all the time with my ex."
• Ask your date how much money they have with them.
• If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite. Yawn.
• "I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."
• Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.
• "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."
• Beg your date to tattoo your name on their butt cheek. Keep bringing the subject up.
• Insist that the waiter take a bite of everything on your plate to make sure no one poisoned it.
• Lick your plate clean. Offer to lick their plate clean, too.
• "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am."