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Quips & Quotes on Kids #2
Little five year old Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom
was washing his hair. She said to him, "Wow, your hair is growning
so fast! You need a haircut again." Little Johnny replied, "Maybe
you should stop watering it so much."
***
A mother was reading a book about animals to her three-year-old
daughter...
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moooooooooo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
The wide-eyed little three year old looked up at her mother and
replied, "Bud."
***
Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry
when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to
mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was.
When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If
you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me
telling everyone how to get to heaven." The boy replied, "I don't
think I'll be there... You don't even know your way to the post
office."
***
"I need the number for Sherry Schwartz in Phoenix, Arizona,"
a Brooklyn boy said to the operator. "There are multiple listings
for Sherry Schwartz in Phoenix, Arizona," the operator said. "Do
you have a street name?" The young man hesitated, "Well...most
people here just call me Izzy."
***
Little Johnny went to the store with his Grandma. On the way
back home, he was looking in the bag at the things she had purchased.
He reached in the bag and pulled out a package and began to sound
out the words, "Panty Hose - Queen Size." He looked at his Grandma
with excitement and said, "Hey, Grandma! You wear the same size
as Mommy and Daddy's bed!"
***
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes,"
he said. "My dad taught me." - "Good! Can you tell me what comes
after three?" - "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after
six?" - "Seven." - "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father
did a good job. What comes after ten?" - "A jack," says little
Johnny.
***
I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four year old. When bed-
time finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your
p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights
out!" Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she
said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls
who don't have mommies and daddies." Even after I'd been such
a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt
tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe
you could go be THEIR mom."
***
A little boy was given a five dollar bill to put in the collection
plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn't put it in. But
after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor's
hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor.
The pastor asked him, "Why are you giving me this money? Why didn't
you put it in the offering plate?" And the boy answered, "Because
my mommy told me you're the poorest pastor we've ever had!"
***
On his way back from the concession stand, Little Johnny asked
the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a
minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did."
Little Johnny nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."
***
A young man agreed to baby-sit one night so a single mother
could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs
to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping
down the stairs, but the young man kept sending him back to bed.
At 9pm the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor, Mrs.
Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely
replied, "No." Just then a little head appeared over the banister
and shouted, "I'm here, Mom, but he won't let me go home!"
***
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
apples. The nun made posted a note on the apple tray, "Take only
one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at
the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip
cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God
is watching the apples."
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