One Liners

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then
God created man and rested. Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two
mothers-in-law.

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts
of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?
Dad: "That happens in every country, son.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said
the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're real lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

There was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married; and then it was too
late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it
cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't
know son, I'm still paying!