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Quips & Quotes on Marriage
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in!
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Q:Why does the bride always wear white?
A: Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
the refrigerator.
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A wife and her husband are attending a very important business
party her boss throws. On the way home from the party, the woman
said to her husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy
and irresistible to women you are?" - "Why, no!" replied
the husband, flattered. "Then what the hell gave you that
idea at the party?!"
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"Ah, Mozart! He was happily married... but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
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"I love being married... I was single for a long time and I just
got sick of finishing my own sentences."
- Brian Kiley
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Shortly after we set our wedding date for December 2, my mom
sent me a calendar that showed December 2 to be "Do Something
Dumb Day" and December 3 was "Live to Regret it Day."
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A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there's less
of you.
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"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship.
It's entitled, 'Women are From Venus, Men Are Wrong.'"
- Unknown
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"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
I don't like and just give her a house."
- Lewis Grizzard
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"Guys, learn this: even if you're just living with a woman you're
not even married to, give up any thought of being involved in
interior decoration of the place you're going to live in. All
your beer stuff, your sports mirrors, put them in storage. I've
been to Wayne Gretsky's house, he's got five MVP trophies, and
you know where they are? They're in the garage."
- Denis Leary
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Not all men are fools, some are bachelors.
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The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support
a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was
just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have
to fend for yourselves."
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My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other...
So now it's just a waiting game.
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"NEXT," the conference emcee announced, "we have the Chief of
the Minnesota State Patrol, Roger Ledding, who is here with his
lovely wife, Beverly." The chief took his place at the lectern.
"I'm a little nervous," he began, "getting up before this distinguished
audience and speaking today. But not nearly as nervous as I will
be tonight when I must go home with my wife *Audrey* and explain
Beverly to her!"
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Q. What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
A. Wife saying she wants to talk to him.
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