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Wedding Etiquette
Announcement:
It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the
wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include:
A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable);
Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom
(do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal
degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony
(If living with the bride's parents, it is not necessary to specify
where in the house you will reside).
Invitations:
Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a
lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not
have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch John
Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000" will
suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal, you can always
run down to the local bar and yell "If you aint doing nothin'
on the 14th of March, why don't you stop by my house for a cold
one about 2 o'clock. Me and Jennifer's having some friends over
to watch the ball game and witness our weddin.' "
Proper Attire:
For the bride, the key
words are "be conservative." No matter how good it may look, refrain
from wedding outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe.
Excessive slits and dips also are frowned upon. This is not the
occasion to show the world how big "they" are. For the groom,
a rented tuxedo is haute courture, but if it means the difference
between going on a honeymoon and staying home, consider some alternatives.
For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work
shirt can create a natty appearence. And though possibly uncomfortable,
say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
The Ceremony:
No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons have no place at
the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, "If anybody
has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy matrimony..."
tell the preacher not to pause too long, old flames sometimes
die hard and talk too much.
Reception:
Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and avoid Saturdays,
since that's bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask guests
to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all the cleaning
deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full
tune-up for the car. When dancing, never remove undergarments,
no matter how hot it is!
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