It's Great To Be A Guy

• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
• You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
• You can leave the motel bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
• Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
• Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
• You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
• Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
• You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• Gas (at either end) is cool.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.