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Here's Your Sign
From Andy Rooney...
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid."
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask
them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind,
didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes
and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes
over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff
up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's
your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we
pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer
of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all
them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel.
There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only
one way to test it. "All right, Jimmy, you got that shark suit
on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks,
and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right,
but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those
side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks
at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?"
I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those
other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over
to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We
get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and
grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if
he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't
you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck
and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in
for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report.
He went through his basic questioning ... okay...no problem. I
thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked,
"So, is your truck stuck?" Couldn't help myself! I looked at him,
looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No, I'm
delivering a bridge ... here's your sign."
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me
and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10
minutes ago. Here's your sign."
Anybody you know need a sign today?
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