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Quips & Quotes on Religion
Baby Moses is lying in the bathtub. The water has parted. Standing
beside the bathtub a woman says, "Okay Moses, cut the crap and
take your bath!" (Thanks, Jaycee!)
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A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed
them to go to church, "Why must we be very quiet in church?" Little
Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping."
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EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT
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PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
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When the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future!
- Unknown
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"If all the people who go to sleep in church were laid end to
end... they would be more comfortable!"
- Unknown
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Everything in life is temporary. So if things are going good,
enjoy it because it won't last forever. And if things are going
bad, don't worry because it won't last forever, either.
- Anonymous
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Prayer moves the hand which moves the world. Chin up, knees down.
Turn your theology into "kneeology."
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A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and said, "The
Jewish people have observed their 5,759th year as a people. Consider
that the Chinese, for example, have only observed their 4,692nd
year as a people. Now, what does it mean to you?" After a moment
of silence, a student raised his hand. "Yes, David," the teacher
said, "What does it mean?" David replied, "It means that the Jews
had to suffer without Chinese food for 1,067 years."
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"Most people have some sort of religion. At least they know
what church they're staying away from."
- John Erskine (1509 - 1591)
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"No thanks, once was enough." Texas Governor Bill Clements,
asked if he had been born again.
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"When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that
way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me."
- Emo Phillips
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There are none so good that they can save themselves; and none
so bad that they cannot be saved. - Unknown
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Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young
father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you
prepared for it?" - "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has
made appetizers and we have a caterer coming with plenty of cookies
and cakes for all of our friends." - "I don't mean that," the
priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" - "Oh,
sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
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"A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing
his own opinions."
- Proverbs 18:2
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