What Women Do #3

BATHROOMS:

• A man has five items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of the items.

GROCERIES:

• A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things.
• A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

CATS:

• Women love cats.
• Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

OFFSPRING:

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

LOCKER ROOMS:

• In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
• Women talk about one thing in the locker room: men, and they never lie.

MATURITY:

• Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults.
• Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.