Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Man does not survive on words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
Q. What is the difference between men & government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Men are like Slinkies, not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
"A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time."
- Jay Leno
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge & go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed & go to the fridge.
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."