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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Seminars for Women

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In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status. The following courses will be offered:

General Education

  • GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
  • GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
  • GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
  • GE104: How to Parallel Park
  • GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
  • GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
  • GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera

Home Economics

  • HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature
  • HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely
  • HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely
  • HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely
  • HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut Credit Cards in Half")
  • HE103: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")

Interpersonal Relationships

  • IR101: How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation
  • IR102: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching Roller Derby
  • IR103: Submission - a Biblical Perspective
  • IR104: Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce
  • IR105: Preposterous Mood Swings - PMS (formerly "Keeping Your Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")
  • IR106: Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator' is REALLY For!")