Family Safe Jokes

Find Us / Like Us

FacebookMySpaceTwitterDiggDeliciousStumbleuponGoogle BookmarksRedditNewsvineTechnoratiLinkedinRSS FeedPinterest
Pin It

Login Form

A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

You Know You're In Alaska When...

Star InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar Inactive
  • you're outside at -40 below, shoveling snow in your shorts (well, you know it's a hassle putting on all those clothes for just 10 minutes).
  • your friend calls you up and says, "Hey, I have some furniture for sale. Is there enough room in your igloo for it?"
  • you are vacationing in Hawaii and a beautiful woman in a bikini walks by and you think, "Boy, I'd sure like to see her in a snowmobile suit!"
  • you can see the road through the floorboard of your pickup truck.
  • you have called an 800 number you found in a catalog and then were told "Alaska? Oh, we don't ship out of the United States." (Try saying "North Pole" - most places usually laugh for a solid minute, or they just hang up thinking you're some kind of prankster.)
  • you put up with the pain of a toothache until the Permanent Fund Dividend checks come out in October.
  • you know going "outside" involves a whole lot more than opening a door and walking into the yard.
  • you have ever worn a tie with waders.
  • you have learned to never say to your kids, "Be home by dark."
  • you know Bunny Boots aren't worn by bunnies or made out of bunnies.
  • you know the meaning of the word "baleen" and it has nothing to do with making hay into large cubes.
  • you think it's normal for a town to put all the businesses on one side of the road.
  • there are only three seasons: winter, breakup, summer.
  • your local golf course has "happy hour" between 1:00 and 2:00 a.m.
  • the seat in your outhouse is lined with styrofoam so your butt won't freeze to it when you have to sit down for any length of time.
  • you have to set your alarm every three hours to go start you car and let it run for 20 minutes so hopefully it will start in the morning so you can go to work.
  • when you leave the water running in the sink so your pipes won't freeze... and you can't sleep because all you can hear is the water running.
  • instead of plugging in your freezer, you just move it to the front porch!
  • you open your freezer to take out something for dinner, and are faced with many choices, Pink Salmon, Silver Salmon, Red Salmon, King Salmon, Smoked Salmon, or Halibut!
  • you go to shop for a second vehicle and come home with a snowmobile!
  • you're buying a house & you have to ask for water & electricity as an option.